Last week my son got an ear infection for the first time. Here comes a sharing about the underlying pattern. The pain stopped right after I got conscious about the root cause and the conflict was resolved.
The family left Costa Rica last week for a summer in Sweden. As I wrote in the previous blog, I got off the plane in London to do something I’ve never done before – Tantric sessions.
Five days later I arrived in Sweden and met up with my parents and children. The children were very happy to see me. My youngest did not leave my lap, slept close to me, woke up, and continued to be in my lap. I received hug after hug. At midday, he began to complain about pain in the left ear. In that moment I knew that there was a conflict, which had to do with me. Normally, the conflict behind the ear infection either is ‘something one heard that one does not wish to hear’ or opposite ‘could not hear anyone/anything one wanted to hear’. There is also a program that gets triggered by something you hear in connection with a sexual conflict. Those areas of the brain are located just inside the area of coronary veins and coronary artery (sexual frustration or loss of territory with a sexual theme).
When my son started to cry in pain, my mother instinct was to insert a cotton pad with garlic in his ear and rest his ear to my heart. Hearing is the sense that belongs to the water element. Its main organ is kidney, which has a theme about belonging. The fetus develops hearing in the 13th fetal week, which means that he/she begins to hear mother’s heartbeat. The heartbeat becomes a sign of belonging.
While I was present with a weeping son for over three hours, I asked a few friends to do healing. My brother was there and he did a ‘diagnosis’. He shared that it was a trapped cry from 3 years of age, but that the root had to do with a sad egg cell on heart level. The information he shared gave me the whole picture!
When Victor was conceived my partner ‘went for it’. To go for it and think about one’s pleasure is nothing wrong. The problem was that I did not feel freedom to do that. My reaction based on the NOT freedom, felt like he did not care about my pleasure, which I normally experienced. I had given him the responsibility for my pleasure. Trapped in the illusion I became passive, sad and then closed the contact with him and myself. If I was free, then I would have expressed what I wanted, but I just got dejected. I was not the victim here, but a co-creator.
When we are stuck in a passive energy we attract somebody who’s active. What created more sadness in my drama, was that I knew I could have gotten pregnant – and I was. When I found out about the pregnancy the happiness took over and sadness got ‘forgotten’.
The tantric sessions in London changed the reality of myself, my body and the experience of sexuality. I released an ancient pattern of suppression and sadness for not being able to feel pleasure as quickly and easily as a man. I got empowered in the passive energy.
In the tantric sessions I experienced how my body and energy opened up, in the presence of a man who was there with an open heart and present just for my pleasure. I reconnected deeply with the female sexual energy. It was life changing!
This new freedom in me made it possible for Victor to heal the sadness from his egg cell, and the moment of the trapped cry at age three.
In recent months, I cried more than I cried in my whole life. To part with the children’s father was an emotional process. Victor often came to me when I cried. It was as if he wanted to understand something. Now I understood what would release his trapped cry. Crying has really helped to open my system and have been healing for my feminine energy.
It’s wonderful to have people around who can support. I could be 100% present with Victor and let my heart be a healing field. The pain lasted only three hours (When I had ear infection as a child the pain use to last for days.) It stopped right after my brother’s diagnosis and the understanding of perfection, as well as the release of the trapped energy. He went fully into the regeneration phase and slept and slept. The day after he was happy and playful again.
Life is a wonderful synchronous dance. When ONE heals it affect others around. It is so wonderful that we can support the natural process of healing and becomes a freer human.